Sunday, April 27, 2008

Writer's Block: Corporate (Part II)

Here are 10 things you should consider if you want to survive the corporate life:

- 3 hours writing emails + 3 hours in meetings + 3 hours doing your real job = busy, productive and successful

- It is essential to ass-lick and to show off.

- When your boss says: "Let me know if there's something you don't like about the way I run things" - you aren't expected to do so.

- Declining to attend a corporate party is not an option.

- Chatter about shopping and celebrities with colleagues means you are a team player. So is lunching.

- The words 'paradigm' and corporate jargon should get you excited.

- Meetings do not necessarily have to lead to conclusions and plans of action.

- Instead of saying: "We are copying what the other company is doing by re-naming their product and putting our logo on it.", you should say, "We have re-evaluated our strategy and have made the decision to shift towards a different paradigm that will in turn, help us grow our business as well as create a more pleasant experience for our consumers."

- When the company releases its earning report, be prepared to see revenue on the top of the page instead of net income, because the numbers looks bigger.

- Do not talk negatively about corporate earnings no matter how bad it gets. Nor should you talk negatively about a project or plan, no matter how ridiculous it is. -wmf